There is a vanishingly small chance that anything you do will be as meaningful or consequential as raising a child, whether they’re yours by blood, by heart, or by being their person in any capacity, such as an aunt, godfather, shop teacher, etc. It’s your chance to build the best, most rewarding relationship you’ll ever have, especially if they call you mom or dad. And, more than anything, children want a loving parent. Not a perfect parent, just one who shows up and loves unconditionally.
When you’re frustrated with a child, remember that you’re interacting with someone far less experienced, intelligent, and rational than you. And yet they may have the capacity to become far more developed in those areas than you will ever be. The way you interact with them will influence how likely they are to achieve that potential. You create or destroy their capacity for growth.
Beyond providing the necessities, your purpose as a parent or guardian is to help your child cultivate self-esteem and self-discipline.
- Shower them with unconditional love.
- Help them learn to love themselves.
- Listen to them.
- Don’t lie. Don’t lecture.
- Indulge their curiosity. Play.
- Let them make meaningful choices and struggle well.
- Let them help, and let things take five times longer than necessary.
- Help them confront insecurities, become fearless.
- Be the parent they need, not the one you needed.
More selfishly, getting to watch a child develop gives you a chance to see what a child is capable of at different ages and stages. That may help you better understand your own childhood.
If you’re not a parent, becoming a parent won’t solve your problems. But it will give you a reason to solve them for yourself. So maybe start with a hermit crab?
“For a moment, close your eyes and imagine your child holding his child, and realize the power of what you are passing on.”
~Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child (Book)
